


shinji's birthday

by jazspers



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-14
Updated: 2013-07-14
Packaged: 2017-12-20 04:26:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/882933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jazspers/pseuds/jazspers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>as expected, the only person who remembered his birthday was him</p>
            </blockquote>





	shinji's birthday

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this as a birthday present

Shinji arrived home with a heavy sigh, shoulders slumped and head pressed against the door, his legs too worn to give him support. The key was nestled snugly in his pocket, but he couldn’t bring himself to even reach into his pocket, partly from exhaustion and partly because this particular day had been such an exasperating let down that he found himself clinging to a small shard of hope that there could still be something left to salvage on what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of the year.  
He chucked quietly, the irony of the fact that his birthday had never been particularly happy and had in fact only ever served as a day to remind him of his own loneliness sinking in so hard he could almost feel the weight crushing every bone in his body. Every year had been the same, the day passing by monotonously like every other, and he wondered what made him think this year would be any different. Because now he piloted a dumb robot and had a few new friends and maybe one of them that he liked a little more than the others had made a habit of telling Shinji just how much he adored him? No, even expecting to even see his “boyfriend" - a word that just the thought of made Shinji’s face flush - on this day had clearly been too much to ask for. Kensuke, Toji, Asuka, Rei, and even Misato had forgotten completely, and while Shinji could have told them of course, knowing that they hadn’t remembered kind of stung, to put it mildly. Maybe it really had been too much to ask, with everyone as busy as they were maybe remembering one measly little date was just being needy. Sure it would’ve been nice to wake up to a “Happy birthday, Shinji!" or a “We’re glad you were born, Shinji!" or even a “We appreciate your existence, Shinji!", but maybe he’d just been thinking selfishly.

With another long sigh he tried to shake off his nerves, to try and convince himself that he was fine with the fact that not even Kaworu had bothered to remember that he was born today. He opened the door, only after turning the knob remembering that he was supposed to use a key, so the way the door opened smoothly was a shock. The door opened to a bright light, making Shinji squint to adjust his eyes from the previous dim night sky. He stood the doorway, his body as still as his pulse as he eyed the colorfully decorated table sitting in the middle of his living room. Adorned with a white cloth, with streamers of all colors flowing down the sides, similar to the decorations lining the walls on the living room and stretching down the hall. Pastel colored balloons were tied to doorknobs and chair legs and one floated above each corner of the table. Gifts of different shapes and sizes enrobed in colorful paper with ribbons or bows sat on the table, making an arch around one empty spot. On the ceiling, hanging from corner to corner against the back wall, was a banner, not nearly as neat as the rest of the decorations, clearly handmade with painted colors blending together on the backdrop covered in glitter and sequins and large black words that Shinji had been desperately wanting to hear since the moment he woke up.

"Happy birthday, Shinji."

Before he’d even had a chance to breathe again, Asuka rounded the corner, arms crossed and lips pursed in irritation. “Well it took you long enough-" she’d started to say, but stopped as soon her eyes met Shinji’s. The two of them were silent for a moment, as Asuka glanced around at the room, making a note of every thing that she was sure Shinji had seen. She threw her head back, shouting into the hallway.

"He’s here! Surprise is ruined, everyone go home!"

Surprise. The word tumbled around Shinji’s head looking for a way in but he just couldn’t fully process it. A surprise. A party. A surprise birthday party. A surprise birthday party on Shinji’s birthday with a large banner reading “Happy Birthday Shinji". Everything rolled around and bounced off walls but just couldn’t find a place to stick so Shinji stood dumbfounded in the open doorway as a mass of people entered the living room, each one muttering complaints, Toji and Misato being heard above the others. If Shinji had been paying attention, he could’ve picked out their words, but he continued to stand in confusion as everyone crowded around him.

"Wh-whats…going on?" Was all he could muster, his tongue like lead in his mouth while his mind tried to speed up enough so that he could at least have an ounce of understanding. Asuka was the first to speak, blunt and crass as ever.

"It’s a birthday party, you moron. You were born today if you haven’t forgotten?" She held her arms out to her sides, sighing as she spoke, sounding almost disappointed and slightly more condescending than necessary. “I can’t say I’d be surprised if you had. It’s a good thing you’ve got us here to remind you."

"A surprise party…for me?" It was just barely clicking now, like trying to click together the buckles on a tote bag but they don’t quite make it so you keep jamming them together blindly hoping they’ll come together. Shinji’s mind rammed the thought into his brain as hard as it could, over and over until the satisfactory click resounded in his head. Small little brain minions cheered inside of his mind and returned to work, monitoring breathing which was still hitched and speech volume that had barely risen above whisper.  
Toji was the first to speak this time, laughing heartily and wrapping an arm around his friend. Yes, his friend; his friend pulled him close and laughed with him and poked fun at his lack of understanding of something as simple as a birthday party. His friends laughed along with them, and Shinji soon found himself laughing too, swept away in merriment that he’d never quite felt before. A birthday party, perhaps not his first, but the first he could remember, surrounded by friends and just that word was enough to keep a smile plastered across his face, with cheeks tinted red and eyes that may have threatened tears but Shinji knew that crying at a birthday party would never be lived down so he blinked a few times and held it in.

"Now if that damn cake would get here…" Asuka muttered under her breath, arms crossed and foot tapping impatiently, and as soon as the words left her mouth loud footsteps could be heard outside the open doorway, rubber soles frantically pounding up stone stairs. A body collided into the open door, panting heavily, disheveled white hair hanging in his face and sticking with sweat to his forehead. A dull paper box was held tightly to his chest and resting atop it was a large bouquet of roses, deep and red and glistening with droplets of water.

"Sorry!" He began apologizing between breaths, saying something about a cake decorator and a flower shop and a nosy saleswoman insisting on hearing about the lovely lady his gifts were for and running two miles back to the apartment. Everybody remained silent as he spoke, and when he stopped he looked straight down as he attempted to steady his breathing. Toji shoved Shinji forward, and he stumbled up to Kaworu, his face flushed deeply and hands shaking slightly. After a brief moment, Kaworu finally looked up, letting out a long breath and then stopping after seeing what wasn’t supposed to be. He looked back at the rest of the guests, and to Shinji again, and then to Asuka, who looked particularly annoyed.

"You’re late, asshole."

He laughed dryly and nervously, walking around Shinji to set the box in it’s designated area, and then turning back around, roses in hand.

"Well, I’d like to hope that this could at least start to make up for my little error."

Despite his messy appearance, Kaworu managed to shine brightly as ever, flashing a smile that made Shinji’s head spin and holding the flowers in front of him. Though hesitant, he took the bouquet into his arms, unable to look Kaworu in the eye as he thanked him softly and timidly. He started into the flowers, into his reflection on every single bead of water that stared back at him, noticing that his cheeks had become so bright they could’ve blended in with the roses themselves. Kaworu seemed to notice as well, as he cupped Shinji’s face and felt the warmth of his cheeks in his palm. His smile turned smaller, softer, sweeter and Shinji felt the world around him close, enveloped in only Kaworu’s light, calloused touch on his skin. Before he’d noticed, their faces had grown closer, and Kaworu’s lips grazed softly against Shinji’s burning cheek. He stiffened, nervous and anxious yet ecstatic and he pushed his body as close as he could to Kaworu’s, careful not to squish the roses between them.

"Alright I’m gonna eat some cake before you two make me sick." Misato groaned loudly and Shinji came to again, apologizing profusely as Misato cackled during and between mouthfuls of cake. It was painted white, with green icing around the edges, and the words “happy birthday" inscribed in green icing across the top. It was simple, but Shinji liked it, despite Kaworu’s insistence that it was supposed to be much more extravagant but the decorator had given him the wrong cake.

The rest of the group crowded around, holding out tiny plates in front of Misato, who whined about being the designated cake cutter. Then there was Rei, who stood idly in the corner, watching with blank eyes. Shinji approached her hesitantly, holding his small paper plate of half eaten cake so tightly that it bent.

"So are uh… you going to eat?" He inquired, too embarrassed to look her in the eye. For a moment, he wasn’t even sure she’d heard, despite the fact that he stood less than a foot away from her, but she soon responded with a simple “I’m not hungry."

"Well, have you ever had chocolate cake? It’s really good, even if you’re not hungry you should taste it." Shinji got less confident as he went on, and eventually decided to shove another bite of cake in his mouth to shut himself up. He tried to smile, frosting stuck to his lips and cheeks filled with pastry, and he swore that Rei had smiled back for a moment but maybe it was just his imagination. She nodded to him and walked away briefly, returning with a plate of her own. Shinji swallowed hard, wincing at the sudden thud in his chest and hoping it wasn’t noticeable. He watched and anticipated as Rei brought the small plastic fork to her lips, daintily taking a bite and licking off the frosting around her mouth. She was silent for a minute and then nodded again. 

"It’s good. Thank you, Shinji." She smiled this time, only slightly, but he was sure he saw it this time, and he nodded back.

"Good, I’m glad you like it! Well, I guess we should actually thank Kaworu for bringing it?"

"Or we could just thank you for being born."

Kaworu appeared behind him suddenly, arms locking around Shinji’s waist like a snake about to devour its prey. He buried his head into Shinji’s neck, knowing Shinji’s sensitive point and tickling it with his hair. Shinji held his breath in, and with it his laughter, and Kaworu whimpered and pouted and whined until Shinji made a comment about dating a dog instead of a boy. Kaworu heard the hesitation in that word and jumped, noticing offhandedly that Rei had walked away and feeling somewhat grateful for his alone time.

"You know we’ve together a while and you still don’t like to say we’re dating." He pulled Shinji’s back closer into his chest, ruffling his hair into Shinji’s neck once more and smiling as the boy tensed in his arms.

"That hurts, Shinji. It really does. You can’t even call me your boyfriend, how can I even be sure that’s what I am?"  
Shinji stuttered, confused, unable to produce an answer out of fear of tripping and falling and landing flat on his face, metaphorically of course. He knew well that it wouldn’t help, would only make it worse actually, but Shinji didn’t quite know how to explain that yes of course he loved Kaworu and wanted to be able to tell him boldly and confidently but he couldn’t even pick out his underwear without hesitation.

Kaworu knew this of course, and accepted it long ago as just another part of Shinji, and he loved every single part in it’s entirety without shame or uncertainty. Still though, Kaworu loved to mess with the shy little boy, to poke and tease and maybe manipulate a little but it was all in good fun; he could never bring himself to purposely hurt Shinji.  
So when he suddenly began apologizing relentlessly Kaworu spun him around quickly and pressed their foreheads together, gazing into his eyes until Shinji felt every word evacuate before its time.

"I’m joking, of course. Please don’t apologize to me." He pulled Shinji’s chin close, and spoke on the edge of his lips, breath smelling of sweet icing and mint, and though it was warm breath it chilled the edges of Shinji’s cheeks. “It’s your birthday you know, don’t apologize for anything. We’re celebrating you right now, you aren’t allowed to feel bad."  
Kaworu’s words held a rope around Shinji’s heart, and each sentence tugged harder, wound tighter inside of his chest. It was all he could do to nod and allow Kaworu to press his lips into his own, and his body felt a little lighter. Kaworu kissed him again and again as he pleased, and Shinji quickly noted that Kaworu was taking all the initiative again, as he always had because Shinji never had the courage to so much as hold hands. He’d said it was a joke, that he should worry and shouldn’t apologize, but of course he did have a point.

So Shinji swallowed his pride, metaphorically because the only thing he could swallow right now was Kaworu’s tongue, and pulled their bodies closer, tight enough that he could feel Kaworu’s rapid heartbeat against his chest. His trembling fingers dug into Kaworu’s shirt and he pushed the boy off slowly, separating just enough to breathe and then pulling him back down.

Shinji’s heart pounded in his ears and his body felt light and warm and suddenly cold as ice and he was frozen stiff as water dripped down his head, Misato standing behind him holding an empty pitcher, staring him down disapprovingly.

"Ah, sorry Shinji. You two looked kind of warm, thought you might want to cool down a bit."

Kaworu was wet too, but it had just barely grazed the top of his head, while Shinji found himself dripping water down to his knees. He shivered, wrapping his hands around his body which didn’t do much but press the wet clothes deeper into his skin. Kaworu on the other hand quickly shook to the excess water out of his hair and stared at poor, wet, vulnerable Shinji, stifling laughter with his hand over his mouth. Shinji pouted, blush returning to his cheeks as he noticed once again that the room was filled with other people who had sat around as he made out with his boyfriend like thing kind of sort of.

He and Kaworu bickered down the hallway, Kaworu relentlessly poking fun at wet vulnerable Shinji who “had that coming after making out with his boyfriend in front of everyone wow Shinji how impolite" and Shinji just gave up. He slammed the door before Kaworu could sneak his way into the room and changed into dry clothes, joining the party soon after. Kaworu followed him along like a puppy, holding him and touching him and nuzzling him and trying to kiss him but Shinji motioned to Misato every time, who’d decided to carry around the pitcher “just to be safe". Shinji didn’t care about he embarrassment anymore, or the confusion or depression before that. He reveled in the happiness surrounding him, in the presents and the cake and the friend’s telling terrible jokes and hitting on other friends who happen to be somewhat violent, especially when it comes to rejecting men. Nothing else was important now, because he was happy and people wanted him to feel happy, to feel appreciated, to feel loved, even when pouring ice water down his back.


End file.
